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sitting in it.

It’s hard to sit in what’s uncomfortable. To acknowledge certain things that make up our story and make up how we’ve been shaped, even when we can see the usefulness and strength it has given us over time.

Even in this picture, it’s in one of my favorite places, with one of my favorite people, and yet I hesitate to share bc this was an era of time a few years back where I know I was deeply unhappy and wounded.

At a loss over my circumstances at the time, with things beyond my control, and with things I was desperately trying to grasp at and fix that were never mine to do either with.

It was supposed to be a super beautiful sunrise shoot, but the night before I was up most of the whole night crying bc of how low of a place I was at. And even looking back on photos I don’t know if it’s apparent to others, but I can see it all over my face.

Some seasons are kind of like that. We need to hold as much grace for ourselves as we can muster, bc sometimes things do not fix themselves overnight, over months, or even over a couple years. Some wounds take time.

Some are meant to be released in our own way, on our own timeline.

Obviously the sooner the better, right? But we do what we can in the capacity that we can.

I feel like these things need to be felt though, they need to be felt to be released, and it’s kind of a slow death where that trauma or discomfort can be slowly chipped away over time. A re visiting of sorts of feeling, surrendering, letting it go, and letting it hurt less.

Walt Whitman says: “these are the days that must happen to you.”

And isn’t that the truth? How many days can we look back on and honestly say, if it were not for that, I would not be here.

Obviously this absolutely does not apply to all scenarios or trauma, but in a lot of cases often what others or the world has meant for harm, it has been my experience that God can use for good.

He absolutely can redeem our stories, pivot the narrative of what we tell ourselves about our worth or our capacity to leave an impact on this world…He can re write it all, way better than we could ever plan or hope for ourselves.

During this quarantine time has anyone else found it a little harder to escape the uncomfortableness of things that rise up? Less distractions, less socializing, and more time to just be.

Kind of a blessing in a lot of ways if I’m being honest with myself in that regard.

Here’s to leaning in to the discomfort, feeling what we can, surrendering, releasing, and repeat.

If you’re experiencing something similar right now, remember things will get lighter, some feelings of discomfort need to be felt out.

But that hope and joy are never far behind.

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